Tag: life

Is this site dead?

Hard to believe that it’s been exactly 9 months since this site saw any activity. The layout changed, but that’s about it. This theme will probably be the last I ever make. There’s just no point in designing anything when everything is already out there. Technology keeps advancing too fast for me. I just can’t keep up. So I have come to a conclusion: I have to give up.

ynef dead body

Web design, not for me

It’s difficult to admit that I have wasted several years just to figure it out. Web development isn’t going to be my job, like ever. Like I said in my previous article, I’m just a guy with an internet connection. Not a genius, not an innovator, nothing like that. And if you wish to succeed in web development you have to be innovative.

The truth is that technology is advancing too fast for me. I just can’t keep up. Not like this. Sure, it’s a great hobby, but nothing more.

Projects on hold

Pretty much all of my projects are on hold right now. My games, the music I make, etc. Hell, I haven’t drawn a single sketch in like 2 years.

Maybe it’s the depression. I’ve been struggling with it all my life. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m 30 and haven’t achieved anything. Or maybe it’s the fact that everyone around me keeps dying for some reason. I don’t know.

I’m not in a very good place right now. Haven’t been in a long time actually. Ever since I went to work to that stupid gas station… life hasn’t been the same. It’s the routine that kills you. And I don’t, for the life of me, have any energy left to do anything else.

Missed out on Bitcoin, obviously

I just checked my Bitcoin transaction history. I have received AND spent more than 30 coins over the years. I remember spending most of it on weed and other drugs. Some was spent on hosting and some obviously on Steam when they still accepted the cryptocurrency.

If I had kept those coins instead of spending them years ago when they were around $100 each I would probably have a little over half a million dollars right now. It’s just too painful to think about, really.

There were a few who said that Bitcoin will hit $20,000 but obviously this was pipe dream, eh? No way it’s going to get that big. Pfft… hahaha.


Screw that, I’m doing just fine

Yeah. No need to think about the past. It’s the future that matters. And the present. One of the smartest things I ever did was move out of that apartment. I now live in a trailer. Currently paying €25 a week to keep it warm and cozy. It’s gas heated. It’s actually awesome as fuck. I feel like I’m a teenager all over again.

And the best part? I can live where ever I want whenever I want. Without paying anyone anything. Well, except for the €100 a month + food and gas. But that’s pennies.

Filed under: LifeTagged with: , ,

Why has ynef.net been dormant for nearly two months?

It’s been awkwardly quiet here for the last two months so I feel like I should say something. Thing is, I don’t have all that much to say. If you’ve been here before you are probably wondering why am I no longer posting? Or more importantly, why am I no longer offering my infamous article writing gig for 5 bucks a pop?

The reason is pretty simple

Life has forced me to stop trying to keep my head above water by freelancing and get a regular job instead. And so I am working 12 hour night shifts 16 days a month. The other 14 days of the month I’m way too tired to do anything productive so I just spend my free time watching Youtube videos and sleeping way more than I should.

To be honest I am not entirely sure which is worse: waking up every morning, going online and desperately trying to find a new gig or simply shutting down my brain doing repetitive and degrading work while getting a regular, albeit tiny, paycheck once a month.

I guess they’re both equally bad. Yeah, work sucks! Especially the kind of work that you know doesn’t mean anything. It’s not giving anything to the world. It’s the kind of work a machine could easily do. The kind of work that literally fries your brain and makes you dumber. I can already feel it happening.

What kind of work do I do?

Well, I’m a gas station clerk. Most of my every-day vocabulary consists of “hello”-s and “have a nice day”-s. It’s funny because standing behind the counter all night and smiling to all of those people kind of makes me forget who I am. And for now it’s actually a good thing.

Why did it happen?

If you’re in a hurry you will get your answer when I say I overestimated my value and skills. If you’re not in THAT much of a hurry I would like to dissect the topic just a little further.

Ready? Here goes.

For a couple of years now I have promoted myself as a web designer/developer. I even went as far as to label myself a Full-Stack Developer but as most developers are well aware, Full-Stack doesn’t mean what it used to mean 5-10 years ago. Nope. Being fluent in HTML, CSS, Javascript and PHP does NOT make you a Full-Stack Developer. It just makes you the average guy with an internet connection and the ability to find relevant information quickly.

With countless API-s, plugins, SDK-s, Frameworks and whatever-the-fuck-you-call-them’s, readily available to anyone, it takes something else to be a successful developer. And obviously I don’t have “that” something.

  • Am I creating innovative technology? Nope.
  • Am I figuring out new and more efficient solutions to current problems? Nope.
  • Am I the guy who writes Frameworks? No. I merely put them together in different ways, like the Lego pieces that they essentially are.

I’m just a guy with an internet connection and a bit of curiosity to learn stuff within the niche that is dear to me. But I’m nowhere near the point where I could call myself a developer. If anything, I’m just a hobbyist. Nothing more. In these modern times even a 10-year-old can build a website from scratch over the weekend. So… who am I trying to fool here?

I suck at promoting myself

Another interesting fact that I realized about myself is the fact that I totally suck at marketing. I haven’t a slightest clue how to let a potential customer know that I’m THE guy for them.

This became clear when I failed my last job interview. Miserably. At the end of the interview, when we both knew that this wasn’t going to work out, the manager said he’d never met a more honest and to-the-point kind of guy in his entire life. That’s cute, but did that help me land a job? No.

Luckily he was kind enough to tell me a few things about how to pass a job interview successfully in the future so it wasn’t a completely useless disaster. Thank you sir whatever-your-name-was. I genuinely appreciate the effort. I really do!

I could have easily found a step-by-step guide for this on the internet beforehand, but I was just so overly confident in my skills that I thought none of that small talk was important. I merely looked at the facts:

  • I needed more money
  • I was good at programming
  • A job offer as a web developer was available
  • Profit?

Not so much…

Turns out I said all the wrong things in the book!

For example when the manager asked me if I had any questions about their company all I could say was “no”. Which was the truth, of course, but I could have asked about the lunch break for goodness’ sake! Or better yet, fake my interest in one of those Friday night get-together events among co-workers. It would have shown that I was interested in learning more about the atmosphere of the workplace.

Things got even worse when he asked about my recent achievements. I started stuttering and ended up talking about the one thing that came to my mind: a 4chan threads crawler script that I had written a few months ago. Seriously? You bring up 4chan in a job interview?

Later, when he asked about why I was there, I just said that I’ve sent my CV to at least 10 different companies every day for a week and you are the only one who invited me for an interview so it’s only natural that I came. Which was the truth, again, but certainly nothing a manager wants to hear from a future employee.

I’m an introvert…

And a bad case of social anxiety is like the cherry on top. I have been in a mental hospital trying to cure it, but obviously this isn’t something you can magically get rid of. Nope. This is something that you ignore and hope it’ll go away! *sarcasm*

Being a socially awkward introvert makes it very hard for me to boast about my achievements. Sure, I could have talked about how I love developing Virtual Reality games or how I’m really into WordPress and writing plugins/templates for it.

I could have turned my rather mediocre portfolio (let’s be reasonable, it’s nothing impressive) of casual stuff into something shiny and big like a true salesman, but I didn’t. I can think rationally about this all day long, but when it’s actually happening I just freeze and act like a monotonous humanoid robot.

An introvert cashier?

Of course the job interview I mentioned above wasn’t my only failed attempt. I had plenty and I was turned down in all of them. The local gas station was actually the only one who finally took me in and even that happened only thanks to a family friend who said a couple of good words on my behalf. I got the job without an actual interview, which was nice.

You’d think that an introvert would suck at being a cashier. And you’re probably right. After all, I have to keep smiling and be a friendly face for the entire company. And when I look at how my co-workers interact with clients, it’s pretty clear that I’m not really cut out for this kind of thing. But at the very least it’s helping me cope with people. It’s helping me realize that people are fine… and this is kind of new for me.

If you’re not a socially anxious introvert you can’t possibly know how I felt before my first night at work. I couldn’t sleep, I lost my appetite, I thought I was literally going to have a heart attack and drop dead. I was already imagining how they pull me away on a gurney with all the customers watching and thinking I overdosed on drugs.

It took me more than a month, but I finally got over it. I can finally sleep and relax (even at work, lol). And that’s pretty damn impressive.

And there you have it

The reason ynef.net has been so quiet for the last two months. I’m sure I’ll get my shit together one day, but right now that day seems way too far to even fantasize about.

This is my current situation. This is My reality. There’s a part of me that still can’t believe this has actually happened. I fell into the never-ending cycle of living from paycheck to paycheck, eating leftover food from work just so I can pay the rent and maybe, just maybe afford a nice meal every once in a while.

It sure feels like working for Negan from The Walking Dead. Only in real life Negan is the landlord, the government, the tax man. Heck, we’re all Negan now.

Filed under: LifeTagged with: , , ,

A new perspective for people who are constantly struggling with money

You see and hear of people making money online all the time so you know it’s possible. You read all the ebooks and join a hundred different programs just to get even the tiniest piece of the pie, yet all of your efforts seem meaningless and you are disappointed time and time again- you just can’t seem to make it work.


Surely you must be doing something wrong, right? So you keep track of what you do in order to find the flaw within you that’s stopping you from succeeding, but no matter how hard you look and how hard you try to learn from other people and from your own past mistakes, the money is just not getting into your wallet. If anything, it’s going out at an accelerated pace! Does that sound familiar?


This is how the system works

Crazed Business Woman Grabbing Money From FloorEvery money making scheme and trick will boil down to just one thing- making someone else pay. The payment doesn’t have to be as direct as cash, it can also be something even more valuable- time. But that’s not important right now. What’s important is that you understand that in order to make money online, someone else has to pay that money to you. You can’t just make money out of thin air (like the government who just prints out more bills if they get in trouble).


When you’ve been in the industry for a while the things you do in order to make someone else pay will become more and more extreme to the point where most of us blatantly lie about a product just to make the sale. I honestly admit that I have done this and I know that if you’ve been in this industry for 10 or more years, chances are you have done it too. Be honest with yourself… when was the last time you bent the truth even a little bit just for the sake of getting another sale? And don’t try to find excuses like “it’s just a marketing strategy”.


Even if you have simply manipulated your victi… *ahem* YOUR CLIENT into believing that the product or service you are selling to them is exactly what they need and they can’t live without it, you have basically lied because more than likely you were selling them something that was totally useless. An ebook about making money? Useless and filled with lies. How about the new pyramid scheme with a cover up “product” to make it look legit? Completely rubbish. Or maybe you’ve asked someone to join a 100% free program? No harm done, right? But did you also consider the fact that the program owner might one day start lying to the person you referred? What if they believe those lies? Think about it… it’s on you.


And you’re doing it all for what?

Pile of dollars in a trash bin useless moneyA piece of paper with fictional value that our community has assigned to it. Did you even know the fact that if everybody on this planet would suddenly decide to go to the bank and withdraw all of their money, the banks would say “sorry, but we don’t have that kind of money available at the moment”? It’s true. The banks have lent out more money than they actually own and the pieces of paper are backed by absolutely nothing other than the value we assign to it (ie. the goods we can get for money) Money used to be backed by gold, but that was a long time ago…


You can’t eat money– you need food. And because of money huge companies are throwing away enough food every day to have all of the people on this planet fill their energy requirements for 24 hours. Why are the companies throwing it all away? They’re scared to sell a day old meat because if someone gets food poisoning they could get sued and they would lose a lot of money in court. (This is just one of many examples).


We are at a special point in our history. Right now we have the technology to grow and produce enough FREE food for everybody, yet we are throwing it all away because we need to sell more in order to make more money. The workers in big supermarkets are prohibited to give homeless people all the food that gets thrown away… can you believe that?


You can’t heat your home with money. A warm home is always nice, but money doesn’t really fit in the picture here either. We have the technology (ie. solar panels and wind turbines to name a few) to produce free energy and heating from our environment. Businesses just don’t want you to realize that because then you wouldn’t pay for any of their crap.


How about luxury, expensive clothing and jewelery? Well, if you’re really that kind of a person why don’t you just glue those hundred dollar bills on your head and walk around like that? I’m sure people will notice how rich you are because showing off- that’s the only reason you wear a 5,000 dollar watch, right?


These examples are just a tip of the iceberg, but if this article has touched you in any way and you are slowly starting to realize that we live in a crazy world where the value system is completely upside down then may I suggest you dig deeper and read this book: “The Best That Money Can’t Buy” by Jacque Fresco. I can assure you it’s a good read. (Yes, it’s my Amazon affiliate link and I do realize the irony here).


If you prefer to watch a free documentary on many of the same subjects then there is a place on the internet called The Reality of Me– a 13 hour long documentary divided into short, easy to grasp chunks providing real solutions to our modern life problems. This documentary will show you that by properly utilizing our current level of technological advancements and knowledge about our environment it’s indeed possible to live in a world where everything is abundant and money is simply obsolete.


From TromSite:


The TROM documentary is trying to present, in a simplistic way, the world in which we, human beings, live. The world discovered so far, not some idea or personal choice. Moreover we tried to present alternative solutions to current problems and took into account the future, which promises to be more than interesting. An informative documentary, perhaps shocking and disturbing to many, depending on how you digest the information.

So I should just quit money?

Basically yes, that’s what I am trying to say. But we can’t do it right now because the monetary system in which almost all of us are bound to, would crush us. The first step in changing our world is to share this information and educate people- show them that it’s possible to live differently, live better. Most people don’t even understand it yet so we have to start from here.
Filed under: FinanceTagged with: , , , ,